That's how long it has been since I have written on this blog. That's how long it's been since I've written much of anything outside of an essay or two. And I'm starting to wonder if writing was the only thing that kept me sane. I'm having trouble keeping my thoughts straight, so hopefully getting them out will help once again as it used to. And to be perfectly honest, I could really use some advice. So here we go..this might be a long one.
We'll start with the good. I'm almost done with my second year of college, and I haven't yet gotten kicked out. I can now program, and I'm pretty good at it. Some great video games have come out, I have become the leader of my guild in World of Warcraft (laugh all you want), and Kaitlyn isn't going anywhere any time soon.
Now for the rest. Schools a big stress factor in my life right now. Half way through, I'm starting to realize that I don't like it. I like what I'm learning, but the stress I'm putting on myself with 15 credits and 20 hours at work a week keeps me pretty uptight. This semester has been particularly bad, for some reason. Some might call it depression. I've already had to add an extra semester to my school plans, and my grades are hardly noteworthy.
On that note.. I've failed two classes. Gotten two C's. The rest are B's.
I need to know it gets better from here, and I've heard people say it does, but I've heard people say it gets worse too. I've thought about changing to a Computer Science major, but my self esteem has hit an all time low as it is. Compromising on my choice of major and throwing away a ton of the effort I put in for 7 solid years leading up to college would be incredibly disappointing. Yet, part of me just wants to accept that school will suck, go with the easier major, get done and get on with my life. I am very envious of people who love college, and I don't know why I'm so stressed all the time and they aren't. In some of my classes, I can't figure out why everyone seems to know what's going on and how to solve the problems except me. And I can't shake the fact that having to retake Calculus 1 and 2 gives me a pretty low chance to graduate, based on the statistics.
On that note, I may as well mention the second big punch to the face, and huge blow to my self esteem, that I took in the last year and a half.
Friends. Or rather, my lack thereof recently. I'll have to leave out many of the details- just because I'll spill everything I'm thinking doesn't mean I can talk about other people. However, lets just say I can count my close friends on one hand now. Betrayal, self-righteousness, apathy.. practically something different for each friend I've lost. I'm pretty confident that I haven't changed, so I can't help but wonder if they changed or if some of them were only my friends until I needed them to stand up for me. And after that whole mess, I really don't have anyone who is in a position to stand up for me. I tell myself it doesn't bug me anymore, that I'm over it. But it keeps me from sleeping at least once a week.
So I'm stressed. I need help. I need advice. I need time. I've thought of everything. I've considered quitting my job, but watching my bank account drain as fast as it would can only create more stress. I've thought about cutting back on video games, or quitting WoW, but that game is perhaps the only thing other then Kaitlyn that is keeping me sane. I'll be honest, the only things that consistently make me happy are hanging out with friends and raiding.
I mentioned being a guild leader, and I doubt most people know what that means. It's essentially a group of players that get to know each other, talk, and group up for either 10 man or 25 man dungeons. We have over 100 members, and a Facebook group with 45 people in it ranging from 15 to 60ish. And I, along with 7 officers, keep everything afloat. And I don't want to get cocky, but its the only thing I do where I honestly feel like I'm not half bad at it. They respect me (despite being mostly older then me), and I can get some very good advice from them. We have at least 3 people who were Computer Engineer Majors, some who made it through and some who switched to other things. And lets be honest.. it feels good to stab dragons. Those people make me proud, and I can't convince myself that stepping back from that would be good for me.
Well, I think that's all I really have to say for now. But I need advice. Do I stay with my major? Am I making some huge mistake in life that I'll end up regretting? Are my priorities out of order? I can't tell anymore.. I find myself just trying to make it to the next week.
March 24, 2010
October 3, 2008
September 16, 2008
Discrimination of Entertainment:The Elitism of the Literary Community
It's common knowledge to the average person that the literary community is one of elegant superiority and devotion to the works which they analyze so excessively. But what value does literature really hold in today's society? We hear several viewpoints on the importance of literature and the dangers of other facets of entertainment, but unknowingly we accept the assumptions and claims put forth by those that study and teach literature. What causes this phenomenon to occur so subtly but so completely? Perhaps many forget that those who study rhetoric are the best at it, able to persuade the population based on their beliefs rather then on solid facts.
One of the most dangerous and fictitious assumptions proponents of literature have led us to believe is the common stereotype that books are knowledge, TV kills brain cells, and video games turn children into demonic little monsters. Whether or not everyone agrees, everyone makes assumptions based on these principles. But what exactly is literature, and why would anyone believe it to be superior to other facets of entertainment and/or education? Literature is stereotyped as educational, deep, and intellectual, while TV programs are stereotyped as violent and superficial. But do these stereotypes represent reality? Channels such as National Geographic and The Discovery Channel teach and entertain simultaniously, while many highly regarded works of literature contain graphic sexual scenes with debatable importance to the plot or message of the book. These scenes are often masked as having literarly value in the same fashion pornography is masked as "artistic expression". Let's be honest here.. entertainment is a dominating force in our society, and learning is a very difficult process unless accompanyed by some degree of entertainment. The key difference between knowledge from books and knowledge from TV or other facets of entertainment is that books tend to teach vague concepts and ideas, while TV often teaches more practical knowledge. Its suprising that the practical knowledge gained from a TV program is often looked down upon as unnessecary, when we all so firmly claim that actions speak louder then words (Or practice accomplishes more then ideas, in this case).
But I wouldn't want to rely on only educational TV channels to prove my point, so lets explore the opposite end of the spectrum. The epitome of vulgarity and violence on television..South Park for example. Though I very rarely find myself watching the show, it would be ignorant to claim the educational value of the show is any less then that of a book like To Kill a Mockingbird, the most famous example of a coming-of-age novel in the literary community. In To Kill A Mockingbird, readers learn about what it is like to grow up, from the perspective of Harper Lee. We often forget that Harper Lee wrote the book as an adult, that we all know what growing up is like, and that no knowledge is gained from speculating about what some fictional character's past is like. An English teacher would be infuriated by this analysis, arguing that Harper Lee is a brilliant writer who wrote a fascinating and deep story about growing up in the 30s, and anyone who doesn't read it is missing out. I fail to see how this is anything but entertainment, read for pleasure rather then knowledge and enlightenment. Even if Lee was trying to educate readers on life in the 30s, it'd be foolish to base your knowledge of a decade on the fictional story of a single writer. South Park, on the other hand, is interlaced with social commentary and current events. I won't go as far as to say that watching the show will enrich your daily life, but it is most certainly an alternate way to keep up to date with cultural events, and see controversial issues in a different light then the watered down nonoffensive way we're used to seeing them. Just as Harper Lee aims to entertain with a story about an era, the writers of South Park entertain with comedy about current events. As far as I can tell, literature and television are pretty equal in educational value, despite what elite book club members and literature professors would claim.
To touch on one final point before my conclusion, lets look at the controversial issue of video games. Many seek to blame them for violence in children, saying kids need to just read books like the "old days". If video games have such a negative effect, wouldn't we have seen a rise in violence around the time of their invention? Wouldn't it be scientifically proven based on the majority, rather then a few nutcases who claim they killed a man after playing too much Grand Theft Auto? In making these accusations, people fail to even consider positive effects of video games. The most common benefit is increased reflexes, proven by the fact that most popular video games have been implemented into rehabilitation. A gamer could also explain social and leadership skills gained through emerging gaming communities, clans, and the virtual world known as Second Life. Many gamers admire the music and art of a game in a similar way one would admire a famous painting or a beautiful sonnet. Game designers come from a multitude of disciplines and bring numerous talents into the project, is it fair to discredit them just because their product is interactive?
Perhaps literature is a great source of knowledge and entertainment, but lets not narrow our minds and throw out all of the other great things in society today. Discrediting forms of entertainment other then literature because of reasons the literature elitists give us is hardly fair, and doing so excludes thousands upon thousands of beautiful, brilliant, and admirable works of art. I think the fabled time where teens read books in their spare time will come as soon as English professors sit down for a game of Halo.
One of the most dangerous and fictitious assumptions proponents of literature have led us to believe is the common stereotype that books are knowledge, TV kills brain cells, and video games turn children into demonic little monsters. Whether or not everyone agrees, everyone makes assumptions based on these principles. But what exactly is literature, and why would anyone believe it to be superior to other facets of entertainment and/or education? Literature is stereotyped as educational, deep, and intellectual, while TV programs are stereotyped as violent and superficial. But do these stereotypes represent reality? Channels such as National Geographic and The Discovery Channel teach and entertain simultaniously, while many highly regarded works of literature contain graphic sexual scenes with debatable importance to the plot or message of the book. These scenes are often masked as having literarly value in the same fashion pornography is masked as "artistic expression". Let's be honest here.. entertainment is a dominating force in our society, and learning is a very difficult process unless accompanyed by some degree of entertainment. The key difference between knowledge from books and knowledge from TV or other facets of entertainment is that books tend to teach vague concepts and ideas, while TV often teaches more practical knowledge. Its suprising that the practical knowledge gained from a TV program is often looked down upon as unnessecary, when we all so firmly claim that actions speak louder then words (Or practice accomplishes more then ideas, in this case).
But I wouldn't want to rely on only educational TV channels to prove my point, so lets explore the opposite end of the spectrum. The epitome of vulgarity and violence on television..South Park for example. Though I very rarely find myself watching the show, it would be ignorant to claim the educational value of the show is any less then that of a book like To Kill a Mockingbird, the most famous example of a coming-of-age novel in the literary community. In To Kill A Mockingbird, readers learn about what it is like to grow up, from the perspective of Harper Lee. We often forget that Harper Lee wrote the book as an adult, that we all know what growing up is like, and that no knowledge is gained from speculating about what some fictional character's past is like. An English teacher would be infuriated by this analysis, arguing that Harper Lee is a brilliant writer who wrote a fascinating and deep story about growing up in the 30s, and anyone who doesn't read it is missing out. I fail to see how this is anything but entertainment, read for pleasure rather then knowledge and enlightenment. Even if Lee was trying to educate readers on life in the 30s, it'd be foolish to base your knowledge of a decade on the fictional story of a single writer. South Park, on the other hand, is interlaced with social commentary and current events. I won't go as far as to say that watching the show will enrich your daily life, but it is most certainly an alternate way to keep up to date with cultural events, and see controversial issues in a different light then the watered down nonoffensive way we're used to seeing them. Just as Harper Lee aims to entertain with a story about an era, the writers of South Park entertain with comedy about current events. As far as I can tell, literature and television are pretty equal in educational value, despite what elite book club members and literature professors would claim.
To touch on one final point before my conclusion, lets look at the controversial issue of video games. Many seek to blame them for violence in children, saying kids need to just read books like the "old days". If video games have such a negative effect, wouldn't we have seen a rise in violence around the time of their invention? Wouldn't it be scientifically proven based on the majority, rather then a few nutcases who claim they killed a man after playing too much Grand Theft Auto? In making these accusations, people fail to even consider positive effects of video games. The most common benefit is increased reflexes, proven by the fact that most popular video games have been implemented into rehabilitation. A gamer could also explain social and leadership skills gained through emerging gaming communities, clans, and the virtual world known as Second Life. Many gamers admire the music and art of a game in a similar way one would admire a famous painting or a beautiful sonnet. Game designers come from a multitude of disciplines and bring numerous talents into the project, is it fair to discredit them just because their product is interactive?
Perhaps literature is a great source of knowledge and entertainment, but lets not narrow our minds and throw out all of the other great things in society today. Discrediting forms of entertainment other then literature because of reasons the literature elitists give us is hardly fair, and doing so excludes thousands upon thousands of beautiful, brilliant, and admirable works of art. I think the fabled time where teens read books in their spare time will come as soon as English professors sit down for a game of Halo.
September 2, 2008
College
Well, I made it. University of Maryland, James A. Clark School of Engineering, its the first day of school, and they weren't kidding when they said you could get internet anywhere here. Well, in a perfect world the fancy laptop, constant internet, and occasional downtime will inspire me to start writing in here more then once a month. We'll see how that goes though.
This place is..honestly, exactly how I expected it to be. Its kind of nice knowing that around 10,000 kids are wandering around as lost as you are. I'm hanging around here after school, trying to get oriented a little bit and maybe hang out with some on campus kids. That will be neat.
My engineering class was cool, I think that's gonna be fun. Lego Mindstorms powering a hovercraft..right up my alley. We got out early, so Ive still got 45 minutes till English. Its a rhetoric class! In the engineering lab building! How ironic!!
..that was horrible.
Anyways, I'll be glad to know while I'm learning about such things as irony, they'll be splitting atoms and firing radioactive rays at us across the hall. Sweet.
I think being here is still sinking in a bit. Once I get used to things, I think I may really like it.. I'm a college student. That's bizarre.
Anyways, I'm gonna go browse the interwebs for a bit till my next class starts, Hopefully you'll hear from me a bit more.
This place is..honestly, exactly how I expected it to be. Its kind of nice knowing that around 10,000 kids are wandering around as lost as you are. I'm hanging around here after school, trying to get oriented a little bit and maybe hang out with some on campus kids. That will be neat.
My engineering class was cool, I think that's gonna be fun. Lego Mindstorms powering a hovercraft..right up my alley. We got out early, so Ive still got 45 minutes till English. Its a rhetoric class! In the engineering lab building! How ironic!!
..that was horrible.
Anyways, I'll be glad to know while I'm learning about such things as irony, they'll be splitting atoms and firing radioactive rays at us across the hall. Sweet.
I think being here is still sinking in a bit. Once I get used to things, I think I may really like it.. I'm a college student. That's bizarre.
Anyways, I'm gonna go browse the interwebs for a bit till my next class starts, Hopefully you'll hear from me a bit more.
August 4, 2008
E3 Closure
So I was going to do the other two parts of E3, but..well..nothing really happened. Animal Crossing. That's it.
Be sure to tune in to the Sony briefing to hear the audience literally laugh when they announce proudly their horrid sales statistics.
Thats all.
Be sure to tune in to the Sony briefing to hear the audience literally laugh when they announce proudly their horrid sales statistics.
Thats all.
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