This is a blog about a metaphor that hit me out of the blue, one that has given me hope, one that explains how I was finally able to come to terms with my life. But first, some back story.
The past two months or so have been some of the craziest times of my life. Without going into too much detail, the best way to sum it up is that my life has been falling apart, and I've been powerless. Everything has been changing, I've lost many things that I was convinced I'd have forever, and the only thing that's been constant is that at no point have I wanted to be sad. In fact, every step along the way I've really really wanted to be happy, to be content. This is much harder than it sounds. Hanging out with friends and doing things that I loved let me see glimpses of happiness, but I wasn't there yet until recently. I knew it existed, I knew I could attain it, but it took some time. Now, I'm happy. In the New Testament, Paul tells the early church to rejoice in their trials, find happiness in suffering, and I think I've finally figured out how to go about that. Because while my life still isn't what I want it to be necessarily, I'm happy with it regardless.
My life, my family, my relationships, my hobbies..imagine with me for a second that all of those things were materialized as a beautiful vase. Elegant, perfect, expensive, and on display for the world to see. Surely I'll pass this on to my children, who will pass it to their children, etc. A true heirloom. Until a gust of wind shoots through an open window and the vase lies on the floor in pieces. How is one to react? The natural first though is that their must be a way to fix it. Get the hot glue. Tape. Maybe an expert will know what to do. Maybe we can ask around. This vase was everything, it was supposed to be on that table forever. This isn't what I had planned. Now what.
How do you fix a broken vase? Or a broken life, for that matter.
Well, time for some lateral thinking. A broken vase cannot be fixed, but it can be unbroken. It can be changed into something else. A mosaic, for example. The pieces aren't back together, all is not resolved, but its not broken now. Its something different. Something better, maybe. No point in worrying about the shards of glass on the floor. Now they're something beautiful.
So this is what I'm faced with. Everything I knew is different, but only time will tell what happens from here. I am, however, happy. I'm happy with the way things are, despite them not being "what I wanted". I'm happy with the future, even though I don't know what it holds. I don't need money, I don't need security, I don't need a degree, I don't need a girlfriend, nothing that I don't have keeps me from being content and that is an amazing feeling. All of those would be great, but..well, I'm coming to enjoy the mystery of what I will and won't end up actually getting because I know that I have everything I need. I also believe in a God who promises us what we need, but likes to give us what we want. Perhaps I needed to learn what I actually needed, and the only way to go about that is to lose everything else else and find happiness regardless.
Well, that's all I've got. The vase is broken, but the mosaic is pretty neat once you learn to appreciate it. I'm happy with my life, I'm happy with myself, and I'm happy with a mysterious future. I also like talking to new people, so if you read these then no need to be shy!