August 27, 2010


I'm sitting outside of Panera Bread. It's about 70 degrees, there's a gentle breeze, and the sky above Starbucks and Noodles & Company is a nice orangish blue gradient with scattered dark blue clouds off to the right. Color me inspired.

This is about me. It's about the type of person I am, the way I think, and what you're getting yourself in to if you want to be my friend. This is as honest as I can ever be with anyone. I don't even know where to start, so I'll start from the beginning.

Somewhere around middle school, maybe 7th or 8th grade, I started to realize the type of person I was. At the time, I would have explained that I always feel like I'm on the outside of every situation looking in. An observer. Now I see that a more accurate description would be a left-brained idealist. A logical dreamer. A paradox. I think way too much to believe everything will turn out as I picture, but the picture is still very vivid and detailed. Innocent, but not naive. Romantic, but realistic. I promise it's possible.

I'm shy, but not half as shy as I used to be. I still don't talk very much, but that usually means I'm observing. That part of me still has yet to change, and I doubt it ever will. Unfortunately, being quiet makes you unapproachable. Being self conscious makes you hesitant to approach others. That's about where I am right now, and that's what I have to overcome. Because honestly, I'm lonely. When I'm not talking to people I get depressed. As introverted as I was as a kid, I absolutely love talking to people now. Anyone. Everyone. Even people I don't like, I'd gladly have a conversation with.

I'm addicted to dreaming. And when I dream, I dream big. Sometimes I become disconnected from reality  until something comes along and brings me back down to the ground. I don't know if it's healthy or not, but it certainly helps me cope. I've always wished I could draw. Sometimes the dreams, the visions, the things my mind creates while it is idle..they're indescribable. If I could draw them, you'd understand.

Long walks on the beach are lame, but long walks between the hours of 2 and 4 AM are incredible. I find myself outside of coffee shops with my laptop or a book increasingly often. I don't take identity in my status as hardcore gamer or wakeboarder, but in the unique way my mind seems to work. I can get along with anyone because I never allow myself to really fit in to one group or another. That's just who I am.

I know this has been all over the place, but it's my best attempt to really define myself. Certain things about the way I think and react are still a mystery even to me. I try to see everything in life from every possible viewpoint, but often I don't even know what my own is. It drives me crazy.

Anyways, I've been open with everyone who reads this. If you've made it this far, introduce yourself to me. Leave a comment, message me (I'm pretty much always on facebook), I don't care. Doesn't matter if we haven't talked in years or if we're best friends. Tell me something I don't know about you, ask me a question, do whatever. I love talking to people.

No comments: