-Shinichi Suzuki
If I could only impart one fragment of wisdom to everyone who has ever looked up to me or been interested in what I had to say, it would be to embrace transience. The concept that nothing is static, that everything changes, is contrary to human nature because we don't see the world from beyond our own eyes. We're hellbent on holding on to the things we love in life because we see the world in black and white. We know what we want and what we don't want, what is good and what is bad. We're scared of the things we like going away because we can't imagine ourselves changing in such a way that we like something else better.
Growing up, I didn't see the world through the eyes of one boy. It was as if my vision was outside of myself, like I was just an onlooker. Always on the outside looking in. I learned so much in this state. I'd understand both sides of a debate, even when I had an opinion. I'd understand why people did the things that they did. My life was a complex network of cogs and springs, which I watched in amazement. Somewhere in my life, I lost this. Now it's coming back. And honestly, that's exactly what I need.
I think I've finally figured it out. I understand where that insight went, why it left, why it's coming back. I won't assume this is true for everyone, but it's certainly the way I'm wired and I can't possibly be the only one. I went from spectator to participant in this world right as the pieces aligned to form what I considered an ideal life. everything was great, I had what I wanted in life, and I was able to step in to it and live for the moment. This lasted a few years, and it was a happy time. I wasn't happier than I had been before, just a different type of happy. My only regret is that I become overly comfortable, started planning too much.
Now, things aren't the same sort of 'ideal' that they used to be. For a while, I continued to view the world through only my two eyes and thought to myself what might be the most disgusting words of encouragement to ever escape the lips of humanity.."Tomorrow will be better." I thought this was optimism, that if I kept my head up I could stay here, in this mindset, in this phase of life, until the pieces aligned once again. The truth is, real optimism is saying today is good the way it is. This is the life I am in, and I can exist here happily. By abandoning the life I had built and comfortably settled in to in favor of transience, I found the happiness I depended upon all those years ago.
I see the world with greater clarity, and I accept that I am changing along side the world I live in. I don't dwell on my desires, but accept the fact that they will change time and time again until a day comes where the life I dream of and the life I have intersect and I once again can take a moment of respite on this journey.
I find the easiest way to get over myself, to see past my minuscule field of vision, is to help others. The people I care about face trials I have faced, and the lessons I have learned become very valuable. Sometimes it takes a few friends coming to you for advice or comfort to show you how insignificant you and your problems are, even within your own life.
My name is Cody Jerome Albert, and I am one of the strangest people you have ever met. I escape the monochromatic hell that life can become by allowing dissonance to color my world. I have my demons, but I don't let them get me down because I am not the main character of my own life story. I am not lost, because I don't know or care to know where I am going. So talk to me about your life, your struggles, your dreams. Share with me your opinions, your experiences, your feelings. Ask me anything at all. And heck, try something new today.
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